@IamEnidColeslaw: WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT
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@caribbeankris: I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an "ungrateful little prick"
@dafloydsta: [bankruptcy court] JUDGE: *rubbing bridge of nose* Says here you bought 1000 bouncy castles? ME: *lips on mic* For my kingdom, Your Honor