@squirrel74wkgn: WHY DOES THIS DENTAL FLOSS REFUSE TO LET ME TOSS IT INTO THE BATHROOM TRASH CAN?
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@hipchkk: Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children's piano recital.
@That_Damn_Duck: At McDonalds Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn’t be feeding them this crap
@goulden_eye: Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. LOL just kidding it was double homicide.
@trojansauce: DATE: how about we move this to the bedroom? ME: give me one minute *i kiss all my beanie babies on the head and put them on the ground*