@squirrel74wkgn: WHY DOES THIS DENTAL FLOSS REFUSE TO LET ME TOSS IT INTO THE BATHROOM TRASH CAN?
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@KrunkedRobot: Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.
@TheRobCee: [furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk] "Don't you wish there was an easier way?" [cut to carton of butter milk]
@prufrockluvsong: I want to open a restaurant for divorcees but I can't think of what to name it other than fed ex
@iNusku: I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed.