@theyearofelan: Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
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@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]
@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.