@theyearofelan: Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
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@zgbetty: This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
@DirtMcTurd: [watching Game of Thrones] last week was great, I paid attention to everything! TV: last week on GoT.. Me: when the hell did that happen?!
@Dildo_Hitler: Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as "not Bruce Willis" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling
@FatherWithTwins: 8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year! Me: Cool, what color? 8yo: Orange! Me: 8yo: Me: *pours drink* Let's do it