@laureneoneal: Why doesn't anyone invite copyeditors to parties when we're such cool people out with whom to hang?
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@shadonium: Me: do you love me? Siri: I'm only your assistance. Me: if you don't, I will jump off a bridge. Siri:there are two bridges near you.
@ch000ch: date: where did u get that, i don't see that on the menu me: (biting into my corn on the cob) i bring my own corn on the cob
@ericsshadow: [wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS