@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?
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@MUMSIEesq: ME: There was an old woman— 4YO: How old? M: Old. —who lived in a shoe 4: What shoe? ME: Please hold all questions until the end on this one
@causticbob: Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
@AsgardianRose: Me: Why don't I have a boyfriend? God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.