@Quartzjixler: Why doesn't Popeye's serve spinach?
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@KeetPotato: doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
@M3lissaMcDonald: I just spent the last four hours connecting all of my watches together to make a belt. Complete waist of time.
@theshamingofjay: Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid