@omgthatspunny: Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be called Bagels!
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@_sweet_ham: I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
@WildeThingy: I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in.
@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal.
@jergarl: Jocelyn from Facebook will unfriend you if you give her a Blockbuster gift card for her stupid baby shower. I know that now.