@omgthatspunny: Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be called Bagels!
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@PaperWash: goals for 2016: 1) spend more time with my son 2) learn about his fav video games 3) defeat him 4) become video game household champion
@carlyken: *Walks into school* Simon says give me your Pokemon cards Ok now close your eyes *Walks out* Kids are so dumb I didn't even say Simon says
@Sarcasticsapien: [walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
@robfee: The Ghostbusters are women?! This totally compromises the integrity of a story about battling evil marshmallows while dressed like a janitor