@omgthatspunny: Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be called Bagels!
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@treywafer: Her: wanna dance? Me: I'm never gonna dance again Her: why? Me: guilty feet have got no rhythm Her: ? Me: sorry, I'm old...*Fml*
@dafloydsta: [bankruptcy court] JUDGE: Didn't you do any financial planning? ME: *lips pressed on mic* Yes, your Honor, I was planning on having finances
@iAmDelFreaky: I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.