@KentWGraham: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
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@davidschneider: God: [returning from year-long sabbatical] So, how's 2016 been? Did you cope OK? Intern who was left in charge: [looks awkward] Yep. Fine.
@Tmoney68: [Army Shooting Range] Officer: Are you locked & loaded? Soldiers: YES SIR! Officer: You may fire at will! Soldier Named Will: WTF?
@BackrowSeats: Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident.