@wolfpupy: why dont they ever have plagues of endangered animals, like a plague of panda bears. oh no our entire bamboo crop is gone haha
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@LoneWolfStories: Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me.
@SCbchbum: When a couple I’m friends with splits up, I always choose sides with the one who won’t ask to sleep on my couch.
@TheToddWilliams: [chef interview] BOSS: Are you familiar with kitchen jargon ME: Yeah, that means you're missing a jar
@ashleycrem: I'm getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I've been to in the last week that's had "insufficient funds".