@Jandalize: Why don't we raise more chickens that lay Cadbury Creme Eggs so we can have them year-round?
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@rockymomax: ME: this is great INSTRUCTOR: you've never used a gun before, huh? ME: [throwing another gun at the target] I need more guns
@_troyjohnson: 5yo: "Dad we don't have a chimney. How will Santa get in?" Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what? Me: what?
@AimeeHelene1: Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B.
@Robert_Beau: Me: 911? My wife and I have been in an accident and she hit the windshield! 911: How's her head? Me: Her sister's better.