@ceejoyner: Why don't you get back in your little car with lights and pull over someone who cares.
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@CulturedRuffian: Father's Day Fun: 1) Walk up to a complete stranger at lunch with his family. 2) Hug him. 3) Tell him 'Happy Father's Day dad'! 4) Run.
@Godhatespants: Actual air attendant: "Secure your mask before helping your kids.if you have multiple, pick the one with the highest earning potential 1st"
@TheMichaelRock: All the good guys aren't taken; they're at the bar on Tuesday nights. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet.
@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.