@OINKimmaPIG: Why go out and be a 3rd wheel when you can stay home and be a unicycle?
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@UnFitz: Tip: "At the same time" has more characters than "simultaneously." The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the night of the 3rd?" Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape?" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.
@ChrisStokdyk: "This website requires Java" *gets cup of coffee* "This website requires Java" *looks at coffee* *throws coffee at monitor*
@BreadFoster: Don't say "lets get weird" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage.