@TheDairylandDon: Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder.
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@Breadery: When my kids misbehave we watch 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids' and then I make them stand in a giant Petri dish while I set up the machine.
@NicestHippo: She ate poison! We have to make her vomit! [everyone looks at me] [i roll my eyes and start getting naked]
@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
@Go2Slp: How to sports: - Take a ball - Put it someplace someone else doesn't want you to put it - Congratulations you've now sportsed