@djdarrellripley: Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day...
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@squirrel74wkgn: [news anchor] "Up next, can more sex lead to a healthier & happier-" *wife changes channel*
@shutupmikeginn: Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes
@just1fool: Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess.
@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.