@djdarrellripley: Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day...
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@QwertyJones3: Uh, guys... I just heard from my doctor, and it's bad news. If you've retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out.
@dafloydsta: [about to be murdered] ME: *whispers into murderer's ear* MURDERER: No, I do not want to hold hands.