@djdarrellripley: Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day...
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bornmiserable: POLICE: [on bullhorn] PLEASE COME DOWN, EVERYTHING'S FINE ME: [yelling down from ledge] ARE YOU SERIOUS HAVE YOU WATCHED THE NEWS AT ALL
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I can’t find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dow—I did not put those on
@wolfpupy: aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
@thedadonline: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.