@lazerdoov: Why is America trying to bomb the lady who lives in my iPhone she seems nice
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@SortaBad: Princess: U alone? Luigi: Ya. Mario lookin 4 u underwater. P: lol. wut? L: ya idk. meet up? P: sure. go-karts L: k i'll bring bananas
@rachelle_mandik: the person who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a software update did not take their job seriously at all
@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.