@lazerdoov: Why is America trying to bomb the lady who lives in my iPhone she seems nice
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ArfMeasures: [court] LAWYER: Did u kill him? ME: No L: You know what the punishment is for committing perjury? ME [lips on the mic] Much less than murder
@AbbieEvansXO: DARTH VADER: it's so hard to date when you're STORMTROOPER: ...an evil genocidal maniac? DV: I was going to say a single dad. You've made it awkward now
@RorynotRoy: I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash.