@IamEnidColeslaw: why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
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@TheBeerGuy73: My ex texted "You've got a friend in me. XoXo". I thought she was being too nice until I realized that she was talking about my buddy Dave.
@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
@vexroid: I may not be book smart or street smart and I may not have much common sense and I'm really not sure where I was going with this.
@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.