@MichaelJTiberi: Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.
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@ch000ch: it's cool when my one dog shits the other one has to go and inspect it like "just as i suspected guys. it's shit."
@williamsonnier: customer: *looking at menu* what's good? me: not much what's good with you? him: ... him: ... me: chicken salad. the chicken salad is good.
@thatUPSdude: Hey people that knock on locked restroom doors, what are you expecting? "hey I'm taking a shit but come on in and join me"
@CDMEclairs: Angry Birds for Olympics: Instead of hitting two birds with one stone, here you can hit two stones with one bird.