@TheMichaelRock: Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis? Nobody in the government does their job.
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@xLiserx: The Wizard of Oz: A teenage runaway gets caught in a storm, commits manslaughter, & crosses state lines to see a man more than 3x her age.
@Mardigroan: Luke, I am your uncle. Luke, I am your third cousin. Luke, I am your grandmother. - Skywalker family reunion
@BromanConsul: "Is your refrigerator running?" "Hasn't decided yet," I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A "FRIDGE 2016" banner hangs above him
@monica_L1257: *6yo comes out with dripping wet face* Me: what did you do? 6: my brother dared me to dip my face in the toilet water *speechless*