@AintNoFamily: Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thegreatnanak: I was walking on the beach with my gf until my drugs wore off and I realised that I was dragging around a stolen mannequin.
@LostCatDog: Missed connections: I was the guy in the Subaru listening to NPR; You were the river I briefly considered driving into.
@QwertyJones3: What kind of underwear do women wear in Japan? JAPANties! WIFE: See what I mean? JUDGE: Yes, I'm going to grant this divorce