@sadmonsters: Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?
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@themorris23: My wife calls it "woman's intuition" but I call it "not clearing your browser history."
@carlyken: Told my coworker I want a dragon. He said I'm crazy for wanting anything that might set all my shit on fire but he's the one that's married.
@Reverend_Scott: Ugh. "What's wrong honey?" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*
@JamesCoolie: The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare