@rickolantern: Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year? Most weddings happen in June.
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@Iwriteforcats: Me: Would you have a minute to speak about my lord and savior, nachos supreme? Her: Sir, for the last time just tell me your order.
@est1975blog: I'd like to share a joke with you that my 2yo nephew told me. 2yo: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? 2yo: I don't know. *leaves
@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.
@aspaul: I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.