@SkinnerSteven: Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?
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@UnicornSyrup: Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
@CodyJP9412: [creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very
@capnmcfword: If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I'm inviting you to race shopping carts, you're my kinda people.