@TheIronSherk: Why is it called a "network of computers streaming Disney movies to cows" and not "Moo-LAN"
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@pleatedjeans: Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall
@KKAlThani: A cop stopped me & asked "do you know why I followed you" so I said "cause my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail.
@davetureq: Ever since they started calling pole dancers "artists," I've been writing on my resume that my talents include "moving in artistic circles."
@StellaRtwot: I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say "You're tired I should go."