@TheIronSherk: Why is it called a "network of computers streaming Disney movies to cows" and not "Moo-LAN"
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@ArfMeasures: ME: The kids have ruined their shoes WIFE: Again? [sighs] Just throw them out [Later] ME: Stop crying kids, your mum says you have to leave
@CockSnake: Girlfriend: "I'm pregnant" Me: "Really? Thats great." GF: "April Fo--" *I'm already on a plane to a non extradition country*
@RobertPunchur: I spent a good portion of today sitting in a Snuggie watching Cops. Eventually, they told me to go home and put on pants.