@WhaJoTalkinBout: Why is it called her "time of the month" and not "trouble in paradise?"
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@weinerdog4life: I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
@1Happytwit: I know I have 19 items in the 15 items or less isle, but I'm pretty sure the tampons, painkillers, cheesecake and tequila count as one item.
@SummerCandyEyes: My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal. *cashes in college fund *installs a pool in backyard
@sabre_squirrel: *saves dandruff for 7 years to throw as confetti at friends wedding that i never really liked*