@TravLeBlanc: Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Excuse me, ma'am. Your car doesn't make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.
@krishna_van: People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying 'bless you' when someone sneezed last year
@SteveSuckington: ME: in closing, all of the facts I've presented today prove that Bush did 911 PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written
@justabloodygame: *appears in puff of smoke at a public pool* "Warning, what you're about to see may shock you!" Hey! What are y- *touches live wire to water*