@Andrea__B__: Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
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@Molly_Kats: If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom
@DanMentos: [guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine] "Who's president?" Barack Obama "Braco? Sounds Mexican" Nope "Whew" You might want to sit down
@TheAlexNevil: *gets bitten by a radioactive bear *before developing super powers, gets eaten by radioactive bear
@rw_powers: 40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly.