@Andrea__B__: Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
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@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…
@caithuls: [first date] ME: Wanna get out of here and *looks around nervously* go to separate places separately?
@notacroc: Nurse: we need to draw some blood Me with a fine arts degree: *hastily reaches into backpack* i saved my good marker for this
@JonasPolsky: Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party.