@foxnerdrn: Why is it that when your dog brings you things he's killed it's cute, but when I do it we have to get the police involved?
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@Gupton68: HR: Punching colleagues is wrong Me: But he drank from my mug HR: That doesn't allow you to— M: I'd just filled it with gin HR: You know alcohol is not permitt— M: —ger beer... HR: *high fiving me* Nice save!
@Australianimal: Taken 4: Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped again. He calls up kidnappers and says "just keep her. She's annoying and I'm tired of this"
@Tharin_P: "What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?" "...What?" " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."