@DaveTheAlbino: There's absolutely no way Lady Gaga was born with half an Office Depot hot-glued to her head.
@pinupteacher: So, are you a sub? *he looks into my eyes*
What do you mean, like a sandwich?
@Mike_Bianchi: A bathroom scale that when you stand on it just says "Your body is but a point in space; your life, a differential of time."
@Brampersandon_: [texting gf]
"I think we should spend some time apart"
"Ok that was enough time"