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@nigelgodwin: My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them
@michaelianblack: Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong.
@GinAndJif: "Dave's coming for dinner tonight." "Dave from work or Dave who misquotes Disney...?" [from outside] "...hakuna banana."
@MumsieEsq: When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like "where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"