@omgthatspunny: Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
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@theyearofelan: This reminds me of the time I fired my mother when she was investigating the case of "who ate all the cookies?"
@ArfMeasures: ME: Ugh hate summer when bees are flying everywhere BEE [angrily undoing seatbelt on plane] I'm gonna sting him BEE WIFE:Just leave it David
@ParkerTheKing: I will do a lot of things but admiting I'm cold to my mom when she told me to bring a jacket is not one.
@SirEviscerate: [JAN 1] *tears off Dec 2016 calendar page* [JANUARY 2016, Part 2] What? *flips* [YOU DIDN'T THINK] *flips* [2016 WOULD END, DID YOU?!] NOO!!