@Thateverydayguy: Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
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@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.
@Dawn_M_: Kinda rude the way this hedgehog is running away from me when I'm trying to stick cheese on his spikes.
@SteveSuckington: [100 year old man on job interview] "Do you have any references?" Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*
@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"