@senderblock23: Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno
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@philEfanaddict: [1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: So, hypothetically speaking, if we were dating would I get any free food? Her: Uh, excuse me? Me: *sigh* #1 combo with cheese, please.