@ChipKellysBalls: Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge.
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@mrtruthandsoul: [3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy.
@Tmoney68: [Hunting Robots] Me: You a robot? Robot: Would a robot read this? *shows me copy of Totally Not A Robot magazine* M: Hm. That checks out.
@useful_wagon: Of course I swallow it's a basic function of eating. What kind of job interview is this anyway and why are there multiple cameras
@Parkerlawyer: My kid lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have anything less than a $20 bill. This is not the motherhood I envisioned.