@philco816: Why is this wet? Just one of the fun games you get to play as a parent.
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@AceMakesWords: "Dad, we need to talk." "Alright." He grabs a chair and sits. "Dad, you-" He grabs yet another chair. "DAMMIT DAD YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CHAIRS"
@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
@CopBroughtPizza: thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
@thatUPSdude: Your potato salad recipe is not a "family secret", your uncle Ray who cooks meth in his trailer home is a family secret.