@AdamUrbane: Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head? Lice. Lice, maybe.
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@KateWhineHall: Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at condiment counter] *does shot of ketchup* Me (gets in kid's face): Wait your turn, punk Wife: Oh no...he's getting sauced up again
@GrantTanaka: "Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I'M ASKING THEM"
@ClaytonSykes: Revere rides a horse saying "The British are Coming"and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming "look at me"and it's probation?