@zeugirdorej: Why isn't Cindy spelled Sindie? Whoever caid C makes an S cound was ctupid.
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@goodhairperson: I forgot the word "torch" earlier today so I googled "fire on a stick." I have two degrees in English.
@_troyjohnson: *loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!
@Naked_Wombat: I'm not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
@TheHatStore: WIFE: [trying to distract our crying baby] give him your car keys ME: good idea! [hopeful] you think he’ll drive away?