@UpscaleHobo: Why isn't there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
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@truegritrumble: ME: *passing out little top hats* And this one's for you. And this one's for you ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the penguin enclosure ME: Lol no
@That_Damn_Duck: Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat.
@SalmaElWardany1: Watching Grey's Anatomy teaches me that if I'm really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.