@gvicks: Why let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance?
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@Tommytoughstuff: "Can I pet your dog?" "Sure, but he can be aggressive." [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]
@iwearaonesie: wife: What's the best moment of your life? me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding
@aka_fatman: Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative.