@TheMichaelRock: Why look something up on Google when you can ask the question on Facebook and let everyone know you're an idiot?
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@mstluvstrinkets: The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went.
@pleatedjeans: [house being raided] [swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]
@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.