@lacybronze1: Why non-smokers don't take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
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@KenJennings: The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan.
@Stellacopter: When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying "Don't make eye contact with daddy."
@AnkCoupleTO: [speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*
@DannyZuker: Bet they weed out lots of people at big city detective school in the jump off building/land on roof of another building class.