@lovemydogduck: Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like "Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"
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@Mikecanrant: 1) Print out all your favstar trophies and fold them so they are 2D 2) Put them on your mantle 3) Invite dad over 4) Become favorite son
@jasonroeder: I don't think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we're both pointing at the same tornado.
@LosLos__: *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!
@david8hughes: Her: I like your hair. Did you get it cut? Me: I washed it Her: but it looks really different Me: yeah I used water this time