@lovemydogduck: Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like "Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@mydmac: DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there
@DanMentos: "Hello, 911” Hi it's Mickey my dog is hurt bad “Is it Goofy or Pluto?” I don’t see how- “Goofy or Pluto?” Pluto “Call a vet” *hangs up*
@Ristolable: *gives joke answer to daughter's 75th consecutive question* [20 years later, she's in an office] "Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973"