@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
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@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
@lilgapeach30: Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.
@T_Bonezzz_: [Movie: Romance] Him: [*At Airline Ticketing Counter] I need to get on the next flight to NY to tell my soulmate I love her! Airline Clerk: That'll be $4,433.56... Him: K... forget it...