@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Deirdreocx: [Cops have a warrant for my arrest] Cops: you're coming with us! *Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away* Foot chase ensues.
@ClichedOut: Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, "amusement park."
@garrydavenport: "It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything" - cats
@SaddleLawman: Blood's thicker than water, so remember to pull back on the flour a bit when you substitute it into your baking.