@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thatUPSdude: [AA Meeting] "I think it's time we address the elephant in the room" Elephant: Hey hey I thought this was supposed to be anonymous!?
@Cheeseboy22: The Teen Choice Awards has to be the most legit award show because teens always make the best choices.
@TheDairylandDon: Started playing with the self-retracting cord on my vacuum to find out how much weight it can pull; long story short, I'm Batman now.
@ArfMeasures: [Wife rubbing her temples after I told her how my job interview went] What...what do you mean, you "tried some breakdancing"?