@Scott_A_Gilmore: Why repent? I pented just last week.
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@topaz_kell: When there's a police car behind you with their lights flashing... It means speed up, right?
@RobertManchild: [company meeting] Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes. Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]
@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.