@Jackson5toLife: Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning.
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@GrantTanaka: [calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy
@TheMichaelRock: I hate when my wife says "GO WAIT IN THE CAR" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids.
@aRealLiveGhost: anti-tattoo people saying "my body's a temple" like they wouldn't worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra