@Jackson5toLife: Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning.
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@KrazykurtKurt: If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you, you'll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again
@HatfieldAnne: Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?
@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.