@LindaInDisguise: WHY *smack* DON'T *smack* YOU *smack* JUST *smack* USE *smack* THE *smack* RETWEET *smack* BUTTON?
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@plank_sinatra: What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy's house and he's really pissed
@BuckyIsotope: Kanye goes to law school just so he can yell THE DEFENSE WESTS YOUR HONOR and moonwalk out of the courtroom. The defendant is executed.
@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
@LazyChank: Explained to my client that he shouldn't put "urgent" in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as "urgent urgent".