@SoulYodeler: Why the hell would I use turn signals? I know where we're going.
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@wolfpupy: [david attenborough voice] wolves, also known as nature's best animal, have been cool for hundreds of thousands of years
@ddsmidt: I told the hubs someone must've broke in and stole his phone charger. He'll believe that before he'll agree he misplaced it somewhere.
@kellysdf: I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants.
@myboots111: Losing weight should be like losing your virginity Once you lose it you can never get it back