@SoulYodeler: Why the hell would I use turn signals? I know where we're going.
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@sarcasm_inc: Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen
@PhoenixRises69: iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too.
@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.