@kentgrossarth: Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: (Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)
@d_whitehouse: Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride a bike so well on drugs. I tried it once. Hit a dog and fell into the canal.
@TheBoydP: I don't understand why they named it "sandpaper" when the obvious name "office toilet paper" was right there in front of them.