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@secondofhername: Why there can't be an Indian Breaking Bad.
@TylerLinkin: Jack LaLanne died two years ago and he's still in better shape than I am.
@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today?
W: ...what else?
M: Make a new iTunes playlist.
M: Might not have time for a shower.
@mydmac: I am religious. I religiously avoid church.
@UncleBob56: Me: Push!
Grandkids: But, you're heavy.
Me: What did the sign say?
Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :((
Me: Rules are rules.
@HousewifeOfHell: Two certain individuals today proclaimed me the worst mom ever because I took them to the dentist.
I FORCED THEM TO HAVE TEETH. Like, OMG.