@WorldStarFunny: Why these pigeons look like they bout to drop the most fire album of 2014
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn’t see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.
@Gooooats: I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey.
@skickwriter: I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.
@EJGomez: son ur mom told me u & ur gf broke up today? *puts hand on sons shoulder* if u had bought a pet falcon like i told u she woulda never left u