@PaperWash: Why use 2 A's in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What's stopping us?
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@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.
@BorowitzReport: Romney: "I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."
@AndyRichter: Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives' approximations of human behavior
@RobertJrDowney: If Twitter was invented by a woman, The character limit would be 10,000 characters.